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A Nagging Feeling; A Gift

by Autumn Dickson

Welcome to the Old Testament. I remember the first year I prepared to teach from the Old Testament back in 2022, and I remember being quite overwhelmed with the idea of it. The Old Testament is a very foreign way of writing; it holds a lot of cultural context that can make it difficult. As I worked to prepare messages that year, I found that I wasn’t totally wrong in my apprehension. The Old Testament was hard, and it took me much longer to find messages in there and to understand the messages.

But I also grew to love the Old Testament that year. I testify that it is worth studying, and it’s worth the extra effort. Oftentimes the things that require the most of us are the very things that draw us closer to Christ and therefore, become our favorite things.

Which is actually what I want to share today.

I remember sitting in a church class and hearing someone say something along the lines of, “We need to stop making people feel bad if they don’t study everyday. Some of us just can’t, and God still loves us.” I thought that was an interesting observation to make for a couple of reasons.

The first reason I found it interesting was because I hadn’t heard a single comment that was remotely condemning towards those who hadn’t been studying everyday. If someone was feeling guilty about not studying, it wasn’t coming directly from the other people who were commenting. Was it coming from the Holy Ghost or from social pressure? I’m not sure. However, let’s focus more on my second reason for finding this comment interesting. That reason is going to take the rest of my message.

The Lord very strongly asked me to start creating content for the Come Follow Me program. It started with a blog; I felt much more comfortable with this because I could hide behind my writing and not put my face up there. I still didn’t want to do the blog because it sounded like it would take a ton of effort, but it sounded more doable than other forms of sharing content. The Lord is tricky that way sometimes because after I got the hang of a blog, He told me to expand my efforts to YouTube. Then a podcast. Instagram. Facebook. TikTok. I fought Him every step of the way if we’re being totally honest.

There are a couple of reasons I fought Him. The first reason was that I didn’t want to be more visible. I had spent a good portion of my life trying to make myself more visible to feel better about myself, and it had only ever burned me. There came a point when I started doing the exact opposite. The second reason is more applicable to what I want to talk about. It was going to be so much work.

And it was. Oh my, this has all been so much work. Each step of the way has required a huge learning curve. Creating a website was overwhelming, and there were many angry tears. I almost gave up completely the first time I ever filmed a video and if it hadn’t been for my husband forcing me back into the room to try again, I might have given up. Every step of the way, my soul fought with Him over adding just a bit more. I argued that I already didn’t have time to do what I was doing. I argued that it was already requiring so much of me to put myself out there. I argued that I was already sacrificing a lot for this.

But He persisted and has won up to this point.

The effort extended beyond just a learning curve for technology. Trying to share a message about Jesus Christ every single week has been…stretching. I can’t tell you how often I’ve felt that I had nothing left to share. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had writers block and stared at the screen for a collective number of hours with nothing to show for it. I’ve been led down research rabbit holes that sometimes amounted to something, and other times, it all came to an anticlimactic stop.

I’m a stay-at-home mom who started creating content in 2020. I will hit my 6 year mark this year. To say that I have studied the scriptures is an understatement because my qualifications for this were non-existent beyond what my parents had lovingly taught me at home. I had to study, harder than I ever studied in school, to allow the Lord to help me create.

I testify that it was so much work, and  can’t testify enough of how this work has changed me. Behind the role of mother and wife, creating this content week after week after week has completely transformed me. It has changed me more than my mission changed me. I am completely new.

So should my friend feel bad about not reading the scriptures? Many people would say, “No! Don’t make them feel bad! It’s better to just teach them the happy effects of scripture study to inspire them.” And you know what? Maybe they’re right. I think oftentimes, it is most effective to try and inspire someone into doing the right thing to make their life better.

On the flip side, the only reason I started this journey was because I could no longer enjoy my TV show or book while my kids were napping. Every time I sat down to watch and take my break, I felt that nagging feeling that I needed to be investing my time in what God wanted me to do. To be 100% honest, I felt bad for ignoring Him. Feeling guilty that I wasn’t following what He had asked me to do is the very thing that got me started on one of the most life-changing things I’ve ever experienced. The bad feeling was exactly what I needed.

So was my friend feeling the Holy Ghost or the pressures of the society around her? I don’t know.

But I do know this. Acting on that guilty feeling and prioritizing study (because heaven knows the Old Testament requires study) is life-changing. It is hard, but all the best things are. Don’t miss out. Someday you’ll be given the opportunity to see what you missed out on, and I’m almost positive that’s half the reason for the gnashing of teeth on the other side. We will be so mad at ourselves for missing out.

Studying in order to create content each week has been so hard. So hard. So painfully hard. Weeks on end of feeling like I was trying to move the Great Wall of China with just my hands.

But studying is worth it. I can testify of that principle more than I can testify of a lot of principles.

You don’t have to be perfect. There were so many imperfect days, but even the imperfect days contributed to changing me. Commit to yourself that this year is the year that you’ll engage in scripture study. The Old Testament has to be studied.

When the day comes that you’re willing to engage in the commandment to study the word of God everyday, you will get to the point where you will wish you had started earlier. Oh how I wish I had developed the hope I have now while I was still in high school. It would have saved me in so many ways.

I testify that scripture study is worth it. I testify that the Old Testament has a lot to give if you’re willing to give. God stands ready to speak to you and change your life. He stands ready to let the hope of Christ completely transform how you feel about everything important in your life. Let the Spirit tell you that you need to give more of yourself because that is the Spirit telling you how to elevate your life to a whole new level. Listen.

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR’s 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award.

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